tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-42755674106076731212011-12-06T19:35:44.722-06:00Allie, Dearestnoreply@blogger.comBlogger1391100tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4275567410607673121.post-44567393086450479162010-01-20T11:26:00.000-06:002010-01-20T11:26:17.065-06:00

Some of you may have noticed, but most of you wouldn't have-- I am switching my blogging back to my original blog address: alliedearest.blogspot.com. If you are kind enough to link to me on your pages, please change my address to the old one All These Things. There's not much there now because it's a blank slate, so to speak. But look outside: most of the landscape is just as plain at the moment.

Allie, Dearestnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4275567410607673121.post-60404320146318297562010-01-20T11:11:00.000-06:002010-01-20T11:11:33.014-06:00

Ultimately, to really find yourself saying in the middle of an afternoon: Better is one day in your courts than a thousand elsewhere is when you know you're less than a mile from home.

Allie, Dearestnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4275567410607673121.post-39694233966356914192010-01-17T09:27:00.001-06:002010-01-17T09:27:56.835-06:00

‘But the new rebel is a skeptic, and will not entirely trust anything. He has no loyalty; therefore he can never be really a revolutionist. And the fact that he doubts everything really gets in his way when he wants to denounce anything.'-G.K. Chesterton

Allie, Dearestnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4275567410607673121.post-5293319801342751192010-01-17T08:29:00.002-06:002010-01-17T08:46:34.323-06:00

The rain has soaked the earth. Through the drops that cling to our kitchen window, this drenched village lays uncovered, waiting. The sounds of the rain are soft this morning. No wind can be heard; no belligerent pounding of hard fists of water on the roof. This is a sleepy, blanket rain that is soft and reminds me of a bath mat with little suckers being pulled up from the porcelain again and

Allie, Dearestnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4275567410607673121.post-38834263551386119502010-01-14T14:09:00.002-06:002010-01-14T14:12:53.823-06:00

Risk! Risk anything! Care no more for the opinions of others, for those voices. Do the hardest thing on earth for you. Act for yourself. Face the truth.-Katherine MansfieldThere is such an amazing world out there. There are things I haven't seen yet that will fill my heart with light.There are people I should not trust out there.There are foods that one day I will eat again that will amaze my

Allie, Dearestnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4275567410607673121.post-64774715742457880752010-01-14T13:51:00.004-06:002010-01-14T14:04:50.580-06:00

So yesterday was the first day of this fast thing.Things I wouldn't do if I were you, on the first day of a fast:1. I wouldn't wait until mid-day to buy the appropriate foods to eat so that when you finally do manage to snake into Trader Joe's at 2PM, you almost convince yourself to buy a sausage-looking plastic full of "polenta," and then almost buy the entire aisle of dried fruits.2. I wouldn't

Allie, Dearestnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4275567410607673121.post-44180374560743078782010-01-12T18:00:00.003-06:002010-01-12T18:13:08.763-06:00

As part of this cleansing new year, I will start a fast tomorrow. I'm going to do what is called a "Daniel Fast" in evangelical circles. There are a few reasons why I'm doing this. First, I know that I've had some really bad attitudes and habits over the past couple of years and even though I noticed them, I didn't stop them from developing. Fasting breaks the hold that bad habits have over us.

Allie, Dearestnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4275567410607673121.post-46298940758233693862010-01-12T11:00:00.002-06:002010-01-12T12:58:41.950-06:00

I was in love with the place in my mind, in my mind I made a lot of mistakes in my mind, in my mind -Sufjan Stevens, ChicagoI used to have this dream in my head about what my life should be like. It involved great meaning, satisfaction and peace. It also involved sacrifice and discipline for the sake of becoming like Jesus. The two were intertwined for me like pretty vines along a garden of Eden

Allie, Dearestnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4275567410607673121.post-53856016128147856352010-01-11T09:21:00.007-06:002010-01-11T11:21:51.320-06:00

Hard things. This is a more serious post. Men and women are hard things. Talking about "men and women" is hard, because every person has an opinion about relations between sexes, and every person thinks their opinion is best. But that's not true. The most expedient is not always the most loving, and therefore some best practices can be morally very dark practices. There can be objectivity--there

Allie, Dearestnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4275567410607673121.post-78996508301249353792010-01-10T01:39:00.002-06:002010-01-10T01:41:51.408-06:00

What a strange bunch of days in a row.How wonderful.I forget allI amI don't understand thatI amI fail to acknowledgeI amrunningswimminglaughingfallingrespondingmisunderstandingfightingrestingturningI am

Allie, Dearestnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4275567410607673121.post-13311279614976040422010-01-09T14:52:00.003-06:002010-01-09T14:57:49.862-06:00

The thing about repentance is that you turn around, ready for the long journey back to where you want to be. But instantly you're surrounded with encouragement and faith in the form of other believers. Today I was with five women--women that have been around if I needed them. Women I could have leaned on and grown with over the past two years, if I had been paying attention. It was good to be

Allie, Dearestnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4275567410607673121.post-12347581013310922112010-01-08T15:19:00.004-06:002010-01-08T15:22:30.441-06:00

There are always two possibilities.One the one hand, it could be that God has great things in store for you and you have to be patient and careful about how you live until His promises are fulfilled.On the other hand, it could be that nothing super-duper is going to happen for you and that you don't have what it takes to have a really wonderful life like the one you used to dream about... That

Allie, Dearestnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4275567410607673121.post-18155692959633845242010-01-07T18:10:00.004-06:002010-01-07T19:36:00.866-06:00

I'm working at my old office again until I go back to school. The great part of being back in my old office is the intensely spiritual moments you end up having by accident. Like today, a local pastor was in the office and he came into the office where I was working when he saw me. We got into the topic of marriage and relationships because he's a pastor and the three things that evangelical

Allie, Dearestnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4275567410607673121.post-85902604676292361182010-01-06T08:40:00.001-06:002010-01-06T08:40:30.218-06:00

Most men pursue pleasure with such breathless haste that they hurry past it. - Soren Kierkegaard

Allie, Dearestnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4275567410607673121.post-32235142601390998192010-01-05T18:04:00.003-06:002010-01-05T18:09:12.464-06:00

As I was going about my day, praying and reading and blogging and gymming, I had this picture in my heart over and over again. At one point I just realized that it might be a picture that God was giving me as a metaphor. The picture is of a drinking gourd. You know the ones from elementary school history books on early civilizations.The picture I got was that my life is like a drinking gourd and

Allie, Dearestnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4275567410607673121.post-54891590968022504972010-01-05T10:37:00.003-06:002010-01-05T11:19:42.218-06:00

Shelby cut off her cable. She's not really living here anymore because the house is selling, so in addition to selling her washer and dryer and our microwave, she has ended the cable. For most people that means one of two things: you go sit at a funky coffee shop to do your Facebooking, or you perch yourself on the corner of your living room floor where you get the best reception of your

Allie, Dearestnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4275567410607673121.post-39536606676741681612010-01-04T22:43:00.005-06:002010-01-04T23:30:59.710-06:00

My fingernails.They're a real problem for me right now.The fingernail problem is that once I ran out of multivitamins my fingernails all broke off and slivered away into these ugly, chipped, watery, thin vestiges of their former glory. My fingernails are crispy and layered like flimsy, pale croissant dough on the ends of my hands. Just when I think they can break no further and get no shorter,

Allie, Dearestnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4275567410607673121.post-36135782533031428312010-01-04T17:42:00.002-06:002010-01-04T17:54:21.827-06:00

Do you know what it feels like to like someone so much that you want to be wherever they are?Whatever they're doing, you want to do it, too.If they like raspberry gelato, you like raspberry gelato.You dream about your dinners together and all of the laughter and joy...That's how I feel about Cameron's brother and sister-in-law. Can you have a crush on a couple?I almost bought them a valentine's

Allie, Dearestnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4275567410607673121.post-89014717729286207952010-01-04T02:53:00.002-06:002010-01-04T02:55:14.319-06:00

I was re-reading everything, and I realized, "OH MY GOD"That's what it sounded like in my head, at least.Oh, my God.There was never anything there.It was all in my head.Aaagggghhhhh.Ugh.Ick.Erg.Idiot!{Moment of extraordinary gastrointestinal & psychological discomfort}And then:Oh well.Moving on.I heard that the new season of LOST will be really good.

Allie, Dearestnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4275567410607673121.post-49529101527092600492010-01-04T02:46:00.003-06:002010-01-04T02:50:07.204-06:00

Sometimes it's good to get things off your chest.Then it's done and you can enjoy the rest of your day.I watched a romantic comedy tonight about accidental love. It wasn't very good. Both of the actors were pretty shoddy, in fact. But it's cold outside and I don't have a job to go to in the morning, so I let myself suffer through the bad parts. First thing I need to do in the morning is find a

Allie, Dearestnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4275567410607673121.post-15557462047403129662010-01-03T22:24:00.001-06:002010-01-03T22:25:37.842-06:00

My friend Lisa has been going through a lot of physical things this past year and has now started what will be an awesome blog!!Check her and her gluten free self out!Amateur With an ApronYay!

Allie, Dearestnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4275567410607673121.post-77108812215820742082010-01-03T21:36:00.002-06:002010-01-03T21:44:51.764-06:00

It's probably good to follow up a few serious posts with some light-hearted writings.Firstly, it's part of my nature to be soulful and melancholy.Secondly, I've always had a spot in my heart for ridiculous adventures.Thirdly, out of sight, out of mind. Problems are only as big as the space you give them in the room. And at the moment, I'm in a room full of strangers and the only problems I have

Allie, Dearestnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4275567410607673121.post-30217801292497872832010-01-03T16:12:00.001-06:002010-01-03T16:12:42.145-06:00

I'm moving on with my life.That's what 2010 is all about. Out with the old and in with the new.May God purge the dross from my life starting...NOW.

Allie, Dearestnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4275567410607673121.post-14250610618176899802010-01-01T09:29:00.001-06:002010-01-01T09:29:23.145-06:00

I'm on a plane again. An auspicious way to start a new year. We're headed to Chicago for a stopover before Nashville and the pilot just announced that it is 7 degrees Fahrenheit in the Windy City today.Welcome 2010. I don't know what you have in store for me yet. Maybe I was more sure last week when everything made more sense. Just a few days ago I knew what I wanted in the new year. Now I'm not

Allie, Dearestnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4275567410607673121.post-37786379383460223472009-12-29T08:34:00.002-06:002010-01-03T21:33:03.525-06:00

Makes me laugh.This is kind of what White House news announcements sound like.

Allie, Dearestnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4275567410607673121.post-17562436080103689592009-12-29T08:23:00.003-06:002009-12-29T08:28:10.634-06:00

I notice that people who grew up in the light, so to speak, like to play around with darkness a whole lot more than people who've lived in it. I'm guessing that they think it's not a big deal. It's just a style."Dumbest idea ever."I guess it's true what the bible says, that the light came into the world but men loved darkness rather than the light. It's just a style thing, you know.

Allie, Dearestnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4275567410607673121.post-9577915656083993582009-12-28T14:42:00.001-06:002009-12-29T08:28:59.683-06:00

I can't believe that I actually fell in love here. Under a cashmere canopy that blocks out all traces of heaven. Behind Olive Garden on 196th. This place is as ugly as it gets. One lighted sign after another. Painted aluminum siding in hideous colors, separated by gangly tree branches soaked with rain and littered by cigarrette wrappers. All I smell is exhaust and the Chinese buffet across the

Allie, Dearestnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4275567410607673121.post-77170246681347137582009-12-27T18:04:00.001-06:002009-12-27T18:07:11.061-06:00

We watched eagles flying across the lake today. They're here on a stopover on their migration to New Mexico. All along the road were photographers with fancy cameras on stands, aiming their lenses up the mountainside to the frost covered branches where most of the eagles perched. At first when we were driving and I saw the photographers, I thought they were looking at the mountains covered with

Allie, Dearestnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4275567410607673121.post-82793887166678657352009-12-21T13:51:00.003-06:002009-12-21T13:59:47.484-06:00

My brother took me for a morning drive in his BMW around the lake road in Coeur d'Alene. He has a funny commentary dripping like this wet rain from his mouth almost all the time. The grey air is like one of those IKEA lanterns, where the light is hiding behind a wax paper, illuminating everything without seeming to have one source or another.There are little piles of snow on the sidewalks from

Allie, Dearestnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4275567410607673121.post-23375207099188225072009-12-20T21:45:00.001-06:002009-12-21T00:34:18.109-06:00

I arrived in the Las Vegas airport before 6pm and made my way slowly along the corridor's blue pattern carpets to the bathrooms, where I meticulously hung up my purse, laptop and heavy coat on the small metal door hook. The bathroom visit was a triumph of creativity over frustration; having to wash my hands without all of my belongings swinging full force into the soaking wet, hair-covered

Allie, Dearestnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4275567410607673121.post-13869601900696874882009-12-20T01:30:00.002-06:002009-12-20T01:40:46.238-06:00

"A sack was never so full but that it would hold another grain."Another Italian proverb. Speaking of sacks being full, I just finished packing for Idaho. I have to be up at 7am in order to eat, drink coffee, shower, drink coffee, get ready for church, drink coffee and still have time to put my suitcase in the car to get out of the door by 8am.One of the better inventions of the last 100 years is:

Allie, Dearestnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4275567410607673121.post-59068406120617813432009-12-16T13:40:00.003-06:002009-12-16T13:51:40.522-06:00

Wolves do not eat each other. That's an old French proverb.apparentlyI guess since I don't take French anymore, I'm not really qualified to offer thoughts on anything French. My dreams of being an affluent expat in a perfect little Paris apartment are getting farther and farther away with every purchase of Hanes athletic socks and Florida orange juice. Let's face it: I'm an American, through and

Allie, Dearestnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4275567410607673121.post-20222435762330147732009-12-16T13:23:00.003-06:002009-12-16T13:28:18.059-06:00

Sometimes you wait so long to get what you want that when you get it, you realize that it's been a long time since you stopped wanting it.We don't stay the same from year to year.I realize now how easy it is to live along the lines of cliches, with all the trappings of status quo. Frankly, it's hard to carve out your own path. No matter what people say about that being the thing to do. People say

Allie, Dearestnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4275567410607673121.post-30002691745447121422009-12-12T18:45:00.003-06:002009-12-12T19:13:10.065-06:00

"Anyone who is not totally dead to himself will soon find that he is tempted and overcome by piddling and frivolous things. Whoever is weak in spirit, given to the flesh, and inclined to sensual things can, but only with great difficulty, drag himself away from his earthly desires. Therefore he often gloomy and sad when he is trying to pull himself from them and easily gives in to anger should

Allie, Dearestnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4275567410607673121.post-10428095611378264882009-12-12T13:27:00.003-06:002009-12-12T13:42:25.195-06:00

My four biggest worries:-That I won't do well on my history and math finals and will lose the grade I've earned all semester in a few short, silent hours next week.-That I will run out of money in the next two weeks.-That I won't be able to stop binging on Jew cakes (Leibniz bisuits) now that I've been eating sugar all week for my birthday.-That I'm wasting the precious time God has given me on

Allie, Dearestnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4275567410607673121.post-47859040955170863952009-12-10T16:54:00.002-06:002009-12-11T18:12:55.221-06:00

I was making conversation with a friend by email a moment ago and was so pleased with the discovery of a little Machiavellian heart in my chest that I must post here my response for your amusement.We were talking about getting over those you've loved. I think if you have a beautiful and pure heart, then you are faced with the Jane Austen unbending love problem. That love is not love which alters

Allie, Dearestnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4275567410607673121.post-42550296138599700142009-12-10T13:36:00.001-06:002009-12-10T13:36:23.153-06:00

Everything = BadThe whiny Alanis Morrisette song that just played, the "Your love is like bad medicine" that played before that, and the terrible Christmas shopping advertisements that are now playing too loud on the coffee shop radio while I figure out my study schedule = Bad.The food I ate for lunch being gone = Bad.The teeth sensitivity mixed with cold weather = Bad.The three finals in a row

Allie, Dearestnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4275567410607673121.post-91671270371795051032009-12-09T15:37:00.001-06:002009-12-09T15:37:49.891-06:00

“I would rather experience repentance in my soul than know how to define it.”Thomas a Kempis

Allie, Dearestnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4275567410607673121.post-58188390863084689742009-12-09T15:11:00.002-06:002009-12-09T15:21:40.542-06:00

It's not me.Bent down low and washed up.A torn, discarded coffee cup.Used shoes and broken laces.Fallen friends with false faces.It's not me.Time for climbing different trees.Sinking into darkened soil.Nesting down deep.Shuffling through colored leaves.And this is me.The mellow waltzing of silky birds.A breeze across the winter air.A lifted, lilting, tingled feeling.Dancing through the shaded

Allie, Dearestnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4275567410607673121.post-27232051378595525412009-12-08T13:02:00.000-06:002009-12-08T13:07:35.144-06:00

The old man stopped by last night.He told me to relax. He told me to sleep."Everything will be easier in the morning," he told me.But I slept through my alarm. I can still hear his voice, telling me that what I desire isn't different than anyone else I know. "You only want what all others have. What could be so bad about that?"But the voice sounds like a dark murmur today--the old man wants to be

Allie, Dearestnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4275567410607673121.post-23483042250292778072009-12-03T16:46:00.009-06:002009-12-03T17:13:50.776-06:00

I'm in the holiday spirit.Trying to make the season bright.I've got an essay due in about 17 hours and I'm going to go for a run before I get involved in it. If I were smart, I would skip working out today and focus on my school work. But I get so lazy and sloppy and tired if I don't work out, and I have no idea where or how that would hit me...or when. So I'm going for a simple three or four

Allie, Dearestnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4275567410607673121.post-40195945552280207422009-12-02T21:26:00.003-06:002009-12-02T21:43:04.340-06:00

One last thing.Christmas shopping has been funny this year. I keep seeing all these things that I want and am not buying. Maybe I used to buy more things for myself more often. Yes, I know I did. But I also wanted different things.I used to want really fancy, useless things. Now I have all these needs.Like...I need these because walking to and from school in the icy weather is ridiculous in Tom's

Allie, Dearestnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4275567410607673121.post-59426572966045087382009-12-02T21:10:00.002-06:002009-12-02T21:26:11.086-06:00

My birthday is almost here again. How weird.Reading through my old blog from years past, I really liked one of the birthday posts I cam across, from two years ago. If you were reading then you may remember {I remember those days as my brilliant, witty days, before the onslaught of my boring blogger personality this spring}. I hope that some of these things are more true and that some are less:"So

Allie, Dearestnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4275567410607673121.post-75277625190320117152009-12-02T18:39:00.002-06:002009-12-02T19:19:44.186-06:00

I just got a love blast from the past.Someone I adored. How I adored him so pointlessly. Sigh.I'm sure he really cared for me, in one of those ways that didn't mean anything but he thought was still supposed to mean something to me.In a way, it's hard to remember hoping for something to happen with him. I was naive about him and so fruitlessly optimistic. There was what I believed was going to

Allie, Dearestnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4275567410607673121.post-23810047836297085472009-12-01T14:17:00.001-06:002009-12-01T14:17:52.056-06:00

As I was reading the Psalms for the day a minute ago, Psalm 61 grabbed me, so I'll put part of it here for you:"1 From the end of the earth I will cry to You, When my heart is overwhelmed; Lead me to the rock that is higher than I. 3 For You have been a shelter for me, A strong tower from the enemy. 4 I will abide in Your tabernacle forever; I will trust in the shelter of Your wings.

Allie, Dearestnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4275567410607673121.post-14493852188286805482009-11-30T23:31:00.002-06:002009-12-01T00:06:42.449-06:00

There is so much life left to live.There is something hopeful in that. Something optimistic. Sometimes I feel like I've lived and died and lived and died a thousand lives. I feel like I'm an old wineskin, and yet I'm still here, still being recreated into something newer and incomprehensible to all I've been. It's difficult enough to accept the changes and chances of this life. Without having to

Allie, Dearestnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4275567410607673121.post-25479329773820285992009-11-29T17:48:00.003-06:002009-11-29T18:05:01.209-06:00

I'm alone in Bowling Green.I'm listening to Radiohead. It's tempting when idealizing my life to myself to remember that only a few hours ago I was sitting at a window booth at Noshville with two beautiful, intelligent women and laughing while eating delicious eggs. It's tempting to idealize myself like that because five minutes ago, while I was unpacking my bathroom stuff, I was startled by the

Allie, Dearestnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4275567410607673121.post-56314608174482718852009-11-27T11:04:00.003-06:002009-11-27T11:11:10.715-06:00

I'm sitting in the basement of a McHouse in Brentwood/Franklin, where Shelby lives now. We're listening to Griffin House and I was looking up possible Spring semester classes in the kitchen while she made pico. There are so many good memories with this girl. She's the best possible sort of person to have in your life. She makes the bad times good and the good times better. If someone tried to be

Allie, Dearestnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4275567410607673121.post-18989596304141676552009-11-27T00:50:00.003-06:002009-11-27T01:05:28.925-06:00

I guess the family Thanksgiving is over for awhile.Over until I have my own family. I don't even remember the last Thanksgiving with my parents--it could only have been two years ago or three at most. It was the same as every family Thanksgiving, I know that much. Thanksgiving with friends is different than with family--at family holidays there's always tons of people that are older and more

Allie, Dearestnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4275567410607673121.post-5324547400090338072009-11-25T14:52:00.004-06:002009-11-25T15:09:37.302-06:00

If I could show this world to my unborn children, I would show them the way the plaster of one of the buildings on campus curves into an arch with sunken light fixtures that are always on, even in the middle of the afternoon. The way sidewalks are worn and greasy in the middle along the main pathways but clean and fresh in the more inconvenient places. Those clean and fresh patches of cement,

Allie, Dearestnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4275567410607673121.post-55476899242165238152009-11-23T22:50:00.002-06:002009-11-23T23:09:33.104-06:00

I read a self-help book yesterday.A workbook, actually.I used to be into self-help hardcore, because I believed that we can shape our future selves by learning new habits and ways of handling our problems. That was before I was a Christian. A few years into being a Christian, I stopped thinking that I had any problems. Chalk a bad day up to an attack from the enemy and chalk a bad pattern of

Allie, Dearestnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4275567410607673121.post-11023113327226486912009-11-18T09:02:00.000-06:002009-11-18T09:03:02.093-06:00

When the pressure tightens around you, it can be tempting to disengage. I'm absolutely certain that, here at the end of the semester, my hard work is imperative, now more than ever. A long conversation with a professor yesterday reminded me that I am exactly where I belong. Only four weeks left ± a week of finals.

Allie, Dearestnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4275567410607673121.post-31419274185511216982009-11-16T12:57:00.001-06:002009-11-16T22:46:01.618-06:00

Last night, as if I needed proof, I proved that I can pull no rabbits out of hats. I waited outside my prof's office after lunch to turn my paper in late because I missed his morning class (a first for everything) and seeing him I smiled and told him what my deal was. The first thing I said was, "I know your policy; I'm just hoping you'll accept it at all."He said, it's near enough to class to be

Allie, Dearestnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4275567410607673121.post-19414036631923154112009-11-14T22:55:00.000-06:002009-11-14T22:59:46.052-06:00

I keep saying I wish I could stop time. But now I want time to speed up.It's almost the end of the semester.Holiday travel.Family.Joy.

Allie, Dearestnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4275567410607673121.post-8036228311349246842009-11-12T19:18:00.003-06:002009-11-12T19:30:27.195-06:00

The fall, although beautiful, brings with it a deafening and murky silence. I wonder about the information I'm learning. I walk from class to class out of habit rather then with a confident sense of purpose. To be honest, a lot of my days feel this way. Confusing.Long.Exhausting.In a little snickerdoodle of goodness that brightened my week, today my abstract algebra professor asked me about my

Allie, Dearestnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4275567410607673121.post-55789666736780024642009-11-11T14:33:00.000-06:002009-11-11T14:34:00.051-06:00

Outside my window I notice that the light reflects off of the grass and the beige paint, and that it seems to be emanating from the sky itself. The warmth of it is like a power that bounces off and bursts forth, and I'm going to sit outside, under the sky, where the warmth can cover me and soothe my nerves.This light is beautiful.The green of the grass is bright and alive, and the slender blades

Allie, Dearestnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4275567410607673121.post-90238151175767579302009-11-11T09:57:00.002-06:002009-11-11T13:45:48.047-06:00

This morning is quiet and sunny. There is a light cawing and warbling of birds, a soft sweeping of an old man raking leaves into a pile, the scratching of dead leaves as they blow across the pavement. I witness this morning from the inside of a personal silence. Somewhere, something is left undone, and deep inside I know there's a reckoning to face. In the meantime I have this sunny quietude and

Allie, Dearestnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4275567410607673121.post-51912780157872774252009-11-10T19:29:00.001-06:002009-11-10T19:30:53.330-06:00

There was a cockroach in my house this morning. I stepped on it. And I left it on the floor because I was late for school and needed to come home later to make sure that it was really a cockroach and not some sort of junebug.But when I got home it was gone.I don't think I killed it. Either that or the cockroach mafia came and cleaned up the evidence.Sickening.I don't want to eat here ever again.

Allie, Dearestnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4275567410607673121.post-84523162884401866742009-11-09T23:21:00.002-06:002009-11-10T19:29:08.740-06:00

Sometimes I feel as though I'm alone with my grief here in Kentucky.It is my constant companion. But I dread how quickly the months are passing and how the gauze that separates heaven and earth is thickening with each passing day, and will continue to until my ability to peer into eternity is completely obscured. That's the thing about death. One thing about death, I guess: this world we live in

Allie, Dearestnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4275567410607673121.post-53652482581849489822009-11-05T19:48:00.000-06:002009-11-05T20:38:37.037-06:00

When I was driving down the street in Nashville last week, a Roy Orbison classic song came on the radio. I sang along as loud as I could, belting every syllable I knew and humming over the ones I didn't. Tears pooled in my eyes and streamed down my cheeks and I kept driving as I kept singing as I kept crying.Two Christmases ago when my parents came to Nashville to stay with me, I was jazzed about

Allie, Dearestnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4275567410607673121.post-85570723510976069482009-11-04T15:43:00.002-06:002009-11-04T15:55:31.439-06:00

And I prayed that God would give me the grace to study and study and study and...to study as if my life depended upon it.But it's not my life that depends on it; it's all the people who won't be enrolled in college this year...or ever. All the people who walk through the doors that open to them, who make choices to maximize their own utility function and who may not know how to solve the problems

Allie, Dearestnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4275567410607673121.post-38241885783021731302009-11-03T18:10:00.002-06:002009-11-03T18:13:21.557-06:00

I'm not sure I ever recovered from losing my daily doses of Amy and Stephanie. Those were different days. So much ennui, so much frustrated optimism.Everybody needs a few extremely intelligent and witty sounding boards. I've had more than my fair share at times; I realize that.

Allie, Dearestnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4275567410607673121.post-56809080539873929902009-10-30T13:50:00.000-05:002009-10-30T13:51:19.604-05:00

"Half the harm that is done in this world is due to people who want to feel important. They don't mean to do harm -- but the harm does not interest them. Or they do not see it, or they justify it in the endless struggle to think well of themselves." -T. S. Eliot

Allie, Dearestnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4275567410607673121.post-58053575514748939302009-10-29T17:21:00.003-05:002009-10-29T17:27:40.825-05:00

There is something very beautiful and tragic about saying, "Our God is an awesome GodHe reigns from heaven aboveWith wisdom, power and love"We sang that around my Dad's bedside after his heart stopped. What a sad group of singers we were. Maybe Karmen's fragile voice started first and we all joined in as we could, reluctantly and then with determination. After praying about his recovery finally

Allie, Dearestnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4275567410607673121.post-36400020319363489812009-10-28T16:38:00.003-05:002009-10-28T16:43:08.725-05:00

Speaking of beautiful people, not that we were...I am crazy about Kate Winslet. I absolutely love her style and how womanly she is.There is something world-weary and knowing in her eyes, perhaps that's what I like about her. She's no dizzy dame.

Allie, Dearestnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4275567410607673121.post-29885866779059523462009-10-28T15:44:00.003-05:002009-10-28T16:08:25.580-05:00

Currently writing an essay about the Islamic-Christian attitudes toward one another during the early Crusades, specifically how their wrong beliefs about the opposition's faith and values might or might not have been the straw that broke the camel's back. In Western Christianity you've got this growing warrior class of nobles constrained by scarce land and money, fighting each other over and over

Allie, Dearestnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4275567410607673121.post-24221138814667918812009-10-27T08:33:00.000-05:002009-10-27T08:35:55.055-05:00

Getting sick.Taking two really big tests today. God has given us everything we need for life and godliness.I'm leaning on Him today.

Allie, Dearestnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4275567410607673121.post-734170773295770462009-10-21T21:43:00.000-05:002009-10-21T21:50:40.077-05:00

Some things are too good to be true.Some things are so true that they cannot be anything else.Sometimes the best thing you can do for yourself is be repentent.And... honest.And... hopeful.(A little excitement doesn't hurt, either)But in the end? The best things in life can't be earned or stolen. They can only be given and received.

Allie, Dearestnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4275567410607673121.post-8117259010442312242009-10-20T13:58:00.002-05:002009-10-20T17:08:32.104-05:00

Whatever things might change as time goes by, my day is still my own right now.I'm sitting on an old stucco-like wall that has been painted over again and again. My shoes are off, kicked onto the cement below where I'm perched. My jeans are rolled up to my knees and I've lathered my feet with hand lotion that I keep in my backpack. I've got three shirts on to keep me warm, even though the sun is

Allie, Dearestnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4275567410607673121.post-86567116268827375982009-10-19T15:14:00.001-05:002009-10-19T15:14:13.057-05:00

Life is full of surprises.I am happy.

Allie, Dearestnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4275567410607673121.post-4970711663118119362009-10-16T23:46:00.008-05:002009-10-17T00:12:31.462-05:00

Ever flown over the Atlantic in the middle of the night with a handful of babies on board, when all of the sudden one baby begins to wail like a frightened bird and shortly afterwards, every child under the age of common sense is crying and wailing, too? What an experience. The mother of the first baby has about a five second window to get the crying under control before the cacophony begins,

Allie, Dearestnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4275567410607673121.post-20449268376743441632009-10-16T15:29:00.000-05:002009-10-16T15:34:37.054-05:00

There's a reason why I love Shakespeare's "The Taming of the Shrew."Yeah, it takes me awhile to come around. But look at it this way: If you do manage to win me over, you get the best of me. Because all of us have a stash of gold we keep hidden from the romantic gamblers in our midst.I surprise even myself.

Allie, Dearestnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4275567410607673121.post-63673690954202114262009-10-15T21:39:00.000-05:002009-10-15T21:47:06.944-05:00

It's that time again. The time of year I associate with unhappy lives and the subordination of the foolish to extreme cold.As much as I love checking in on my Blackberry, checking my denumerable Web 2.0 sites and reading big ideas on a small screen thanks to the New York Times app and the You Version Bible app...there's only so much that can be done in the rain and with muffly mittens on.So, in

Allie, Dearestnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4275567410607673121.post-37887130918094143192009-10-14T23:29:00.004-05:002009-10-14T23:37:57.429-05:00

"If you develop an ear for sounds that are musical it is like developing an ego. You begin to refuse sounds that are not musical and that way cut yourself off from a good deal of experience." - John CageOne must be careful how much he prefers exciting, delicious, luxurious experiences. He may begin to refuse experiences that are not as fulfilling and in that way cut himself off from most of the

Allie, Dearestnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4275567410607673121.post-77067429680443964212009-10-14T14:41:00.001-05:002009-10-14T23:38:36.454-05:00

I frequent a cafe that is owned by Aramark, so there's really no fear of my daily life getting swept away into one of those early 21st century-coming-of-age-at-30-years novels. Those novels don't take place in places zoned for homogeneity, as it happens.

Allie, Dearestnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4275567410607673121.post-76617041411020004692009-10-11T20:13:00.000-05:002009-10-11T20:18:02.090-05:00

Fall. The end of things. The beginning of things.Saw Sarah and Todd tonight at FIDO (and Greg, Jenna, Graham, Cory, Matt and Saban). They reminded me about why I do what I do the way I do it. For myself and not for others. We together remembered a time when this city felt alive and full of creative energy.I'm alive. Why is that so hard to remember from moment to moment. I don't need to pysche

Allie, Dearestnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4275567410607673121.post-34636643778187798222009-10-11T15:18:00.000-05:002009-10-11T15:28:02.053-05:00

It's difficult to focus. Difficult to keep my concentration.The most interesting thing I do week to week is work on the development of my quadriceps. I don't know why quads--why legs muscles--why muscles at all.I'm part of a transitional group; we're reinventing the wheel. Nothing avant-garde, nothing heroic. We're playing musical chairs with our jobs, our cities, our love. We love our music and

Allie, Dearestnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4275567410607673121.post-71073811814106287102009-10-11T01:49:00.002-05:002009-10-11T01:53:20.863-05:00

I flooded Brittley with too much. Poor girl.I talk too much, in general. I must slow down a little. Lately my brain is like a tangled yarn ball. I wonder if everyone that I talk to thinks I'm crazy....Today was brilliant, otherwise. Lots of beautiful things and lots of good food and lots of beautiful people with beautiful eyes. You can't have too many of these kinds of days. Tomorrow is going to

Allie, Dearestnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4275567410607673121.post-62489745475496688472009-10-08T10:47:00.003-05:002009-10-08T11:09:00.486-05:00

I've been meaning to visit Toby and Kelli in Atlanta for a long time. Now AJ lives there, too. One more reason to get in my car and drive the four hours down. {Although I never take Happy that far}A Chicago song came on the radio during yesterday's drive to Nashville, and it totally reminded me of Karaoke with AJ and Wes. I naturally thought about traveling down to Atlanta--and then immediately

Allie, Dearestnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4275567410607673121.post-83307275142628892572009-10-07T18:30:00.000-05:002009-10-07T18:35:08.117-05:00

I'm riding in the back of an SUV, headed for pizza at Mafiaoza's. This is Fall Break.I had a good moment at Starbucks earlier; magic is in the air. Look at the stars--can you even number them? Anything is possible.

Allie, Dearestnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4275567410607673121.post-31741883201543917932009-10-07T01:17:00.003-05:002009-10-07T01:31:56.303-05:00

Entering the mysterious unwatched world in a moment, where you can say anything because nobody is listening and it doesn't matter...*************************************************************I am balancing on edges at all times.Or, if you're into stabilizers and orbits, I might be balancing on vertices or faces.It's exhilarating.It's scary.It's promising and full of possibilities.I could lose

Allie, Dearestnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4275567410607673121.post-36426951101351088892009-10-05T22:59:00.002-05:002009-10-05T23:04:02.475-05:00

uninspiredpragmaticdocilehydratedtiredoverfilledchallengedburgeoningconfusedjoyfulrelievedhopefulamusedexcitedgratefuluncertainThere are so many ways to describe me right now. All of them true, to a degree. We are more than just the sum of our parts, thank God. Because I have all these feelings and inverses of feelings, one right after another. If they cancelled each other out, what would my life

Allie, Dearestnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4275567410607673121.post-58885816246730249492009-10-04T14:28:00.000-05:002009-10-04T14:34:38.640-05:00

Rain.Cold and inhibiting rain. The beginning of the end of warm days, dresses and lounging around. The beginning of the long, cold fight to stay warm, happy and energetic.My life this fall is a beginning. The beginning of new ambitions. Never grow tired of new beginnings; they keep you young and alive.The cold is barely tolerable, but I'm sure I can dredge up another countdown to Spring somewhere

Allie, Dearestnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4275567410607673121.post-61026061687921393162009-10-01T13:54:00.001-05:002009-10-01T13:54:41.599-05:00

Ants are crawling on my coffee cup. Around the bottom, climbing at angles. A bee was hovering above me for a little while, but I didn't move because it seemed to be to slow to cause harm. I have a tank top on under a thermo-turtleneck under a rabbit-hair cardigan under a cotton trench coat. With a grey pashmina stuffed on top. I'm propped against a wall on the cement by the Thompson building,

Allie, Dearestnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4275567410607673121.post-56235458803253813302009-09-29T18:37:00.002-05:002009-09-29T19:21:11.105-05:00

When someone goes out of their way to let you know that they approve of something you've changed...be honest,don't you kind of wish they would just keep that opinion to themselves.Like:Wow, you lost all that weight. You look so much better!Really? That's a shame, because I haven't eaten since I got that stomach virus and as soon as these meds kick in...I'll be back to normal.Wish you wouldn't

Allie, Dearestnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4275567410607673121.post-40011476307501119852009-09-29T15:59:00.001-05:002009-09-29T15:59:15.944-05:00

I just got my first probabilities test back today. A 90%.95% is an A94% and less is a BBah.I should be comforted by the fact that mine was the highest score. Earlier in the week when I was having trouble with a problem, my prof said, Why don't you ask one of the other students for help, they seem to be getting it.I always make a comeback.Maybe if I hadn't taken a 7 hour nap yesterday I would have

Allie, Dearestnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4275567410607673121.post-87772234425816863402009-09-29T09:44:00.000-05:002009-09-29T09:46:44.388-05:00

I'm late to class--walking up the steps now.No makeupToo many layers bc I overreacted to the fear of a cold day.Not enough snacks to last me until the end.Sometimes things feel out of control.

Allie, Dearestnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4275567410607673121.post-15878926424242314122009-09-25T20:56:00.002-05:002009-09-25T21:43:14.959-05:00

The essay due on Monday morning--concerning the role of the individual and government in ancient Greece: to what extent did Socrates' ideas/behavior challenge Pericles' account of the Athenian state and society?A year ago I had no knowledge of the ancient world. Knowledge can inspire us and challenge us.Socrates, in Plato's account of his trial, says that a truly just man could never participate

Allie, Dearestnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4275567410607673121.post-45087562623920852032009-09-24T22:34:00.005-05:002009-09-24T22:53:39.860-05:00

"For men can endure to hear others praised only so long as they can persuade themselves of their own ability to equal the actions recounted: when this point is passed, envy comes in and with it incredulity." -Pericles of Athens, during a funeral speechI can handle hearing about the awesome things other people are doing if I'm doing those things; if I'm doing awesome things. How hard it is,

Allie, Dearestnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4275567410607673121.post-28292770275359701742009-09-24T16:40:00.001-05:002009-09-24T16:40:24.942-05:00

The belltower is playing Moonlight Sonata. I walk out the glass doors, away from math, cheeks burning. Scribbling furiously for over two hours? I did well on my test--at least I felt like I understood most of it.Now: one small thing achieved from a bowl of infinite goals. I digress...Moonlight Sonata is playing now; somber bells mixing with the sound of a distant train whistle. The two sounds

Allie, Dearestnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4275567410607673121.post-86810393570448412632009-09-23T21:00:00.000-05:002009-09-23T21:07:14.178-05:00

It's not possible that he's gone.The sky, so grey and so low to the ground today, doesn't feel full of possibilities but overcrowded with unreached goals. Satisfaction, so fleeting.Every second, single file and marching in this war. Against me? With me? I am too slow, too weighed down. I climb over the wall and see a thosand more ahead. Today is the thing I wish were dead. Yet it lives on and

Allie, Dearestnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4275567410607673121.post-69015868313752751772009-09-22T17:06:00.004-05:002009-09-22T17:19:55.878-05:00

I'm back on the iron pill wagon again.Any type of relief for my thought-stealing headaches that doesn't look like Advil liquid gels would be welcome this week. With Shelby being such a non-drug and pharmaceuticals girl, it's hard to take things like Advil without feeling just a little wussy. Ye ole coping strategies have often included giant pieces of coconut laced cake and large dregs of drip

Allie, Dearestnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4275567410607673121.post-36660052963522836452009-09-22T14:01:00.000-05:002009-09-22T14:07:18.149-05:00

Clouds drift by overhead.It looks like rain is coming.I am immoveable here against this wall. I feel cement under me and against the middle of my back. I watch the clouds while finishing off the last pieces of fruit from a ziploc bag. The grass barely twitches in the breeze. Like me, the grass watches the clouds.I sit. Or I stand. Nobody interferes. Nobody intervenes. It looks like rain is coming

Allie, Dearestnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4275567410607673121.post-4954255947114185582009-09-21T22:15:00.004-05:002009-09-21T22:34:57.922-05:00

Some good and some bad, in no particular order:I spent the entire day counting down the hours until school was over. My mind is not in the game, as the pro athletes might say. Maybe because I spent the weekend having fun; maybe because I spent all last week not having any fun. Regardless. That's no way to spend an entire day.I explained my social ethics book, Solitude and Democracy: Understanding

Allie, Dearestnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4275567410607673121.post-12271514064450702942009-09-19T02:37:00.003-05:002009-09-19T02:51:43.426-05:00

I keep hearing myself say "I love you." While walking up six flights of stairs. While listening to professors. While doing math homework. While staring off into the distance.Like whispers that are echoing endlessly through my ears, bouncing around in the chambers of my heart. It's a strange phenomenon. In math we might say that this type of event is a set whose only member is the empty set. It's

Allie, Dearestnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4275567410607673121.post-5322696312200150482009-09-15T23:04:00.004-05:002009-09-15T23:31:45.939-05:00

My biggest moment of the day was in the weight room when the guys on the other benches made a scene over my arm workout. I work hard in that nasty room. But I live in a legs culture and two things I certainly have never had are long, skinny legs. Instead I have long, thick legs like that beer horse that has lovely, wavy hair at the bottom of its sturdy legs.I usually wear T-shirts to the gym, but

Allie, Dearestnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4275567410607673121.post-16459506282248580482009-09-15T09:05:00.006-05:002009-09-15T10:21:13.845-05:00

We're talking about moral isolation in my Social Ethics class. One question the material poses is, "Why are some of us more prone to alone-ness?" So now I present to you:Tuesday's Rabbit Trailing with AllieThe author of the book we're reading says that at every moment we're in a solitary state, and yet at every moment, even when alone, we're also with others. The others that we're alone with are

Allie, Dearestnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4275567410607673121.post-55351388681392874452009-09-14T16:48:00.001-05:002009-09-14T16:48:25.027-05:00

I'm watching the end of Top Gun on AMC right now, and no matter how many times I've seen Goose die and watched Maverick toss his dogtags into the turbulent sea...I still get all choked up every time I see it. The sad truth is that I shouldn't be watching TV at all right now because I should be sleeping. It's Monday evening and I never went to sleep last night. I spent a few slices of my weekend

Allie, Dearestnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4275567410607673121.post-83734899842732543002009-09-12T20:46:00.002-05:002009-09-13T00:37:03.930-05:00

I'm sitting at FIDO with an incredibly blank sheet of what the romantics might call, "Crisp, white paper" in front of me on a wooden table that is soft and worn away by the chafing of plates and mugs, and the deep etches carved by the pens and pencils of brilliant students, corrosive indie beatnuts and a host of coffee shop regulars that dot and fill the rest of the stereotype spectrum. I used to

Allie, Dearestnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4275567410607673121.post-12467875842160253022009-09-12T09:48:00.003-05:002009-09-12T09:52:37.047-05:00

I lost my place in the spelling be in 5th grade. I was so nervous, as it was, and then they said my word: "on-vah-lope." At least that's what it sounded like. If they would have said "en-veh-lope," I'd be in one of those three categories today. Hopefully not the "contributing nothing of value to society" one, though.I spelled envelope with an "o."And that's why I didn't finish college like the

Allie, Dearestnoreply@blogger.com