Just a Republican...

"A conservative independent is just a Republican who’s had his heart broken." -Gail Collins for the NYTimes

I was musing to myself recently that I tend to assume that the entire human race is on the same journey as I am at all times. Everybody on Earth, from the recently born to the aged, have all just turned thirty this last year and have finally come of age, so to speak.

How self-centered, right? I know differently if I think about for more than five seconds. But naturally, as a way of handling world events and human diversity, it seems much easier to imagine that every single person on Earth is someone just like me, dealing with dangers and opportunities on every side, tempted by the absurd and delicious, and chastened by life's disappointments.

Perhaps it's loneliness that causes this. Isn't it wonderful to think of the over six billion people on this planet getting inspired and disillusioned by the same hope and failure at the same time for the same reasons? I wonder if we weren't created with a need for unity? I crave unity and harmony and the down side is that I find it intolerable to be pressured to bluff harmony when all I feel is dissonance. I want true concord, real connection.

I want to be connected to people through a common sense of like and dislike, through hopes and disappointments, through joys and terrors. I want to work alongside people I admire toward a common and wholesome goal. I want to do the things that are considered good works, regardless of whether a person is red, blue or purple (or green, for that matter). At the end of the day, politically, maybe I am just a Republican who's had her heart broken. But maybe that's true about me in more than just politics.

I do know that I find points of unity on both sides right now. Beyond the things we have in common, I'm going to have to find a lane to swim in, so to speak. Whatever it is that I think I must do, I have to find the people who are doing that very thing and get involved.

Death & My Gentle Giant

Early Friday morning my dad passed away.
My right hand held his right hand.
My left hand held his face.
Life support was turned off and like a lightning bolt disappears into the dark storm, the man who was my dad vanished.

He loved my blog, the other one that I shut down last month. In one of the last conversations we had, he sheepishly asked why he couldn't read it anymore. It seemed silly to me that he was reading my blog. Now I wish that I had written more for him to read.

The truth is, my dad was is my biggest fan.
From the time I was very small he would take me on drives with him to the bakery or to the grocery store in the San Fernando valley, and he would tell me that there was something very special about me, very unlike other people. He often would tell me that even though I was having trouble fitting in, there would be a day when I came into my own and didn't mind being me.

He called me sweetheart, lambchop, pumpkin -- and over the last two years, he would sign his name in emails to me as "Daddy Dearest" as an homage to my Allie, Dearest nickname.

He always called me during the week while he was at work to tell me how my mom was doing or how he was feeling or how much work he was taking on at NASA. He loved us. He loved me. He was gentle and mostly a pushover, which is why I've always been so hesitant to ask him for help. I never wanted him to feel used or manipulated. But he has saved my toosh so many times.

I don't want to say more right now about my dad-because so much of my love for him is private and therefore sacred to me. But I wish that each of you could have known him the way that I did-he so amused me.

I love my dad.
God grant him rest and peace.
I will see him again when my turn comes--a joyful day of celebration for us both.
I wish he were with me now.

Meaning of Life

"We needed to stop asking about the meaning of life,
and instead think of ourselves as those who were being questioned by life--
daily and hourly."

-Victor Frankl

Selfishness

"There is something inherently selfish about not allowing the love that you are capable of see the light of day for fear it will someday cause you pain.

Of course it will cause you pain.

It's the risk of pain that creates the love in the first place. I think I had come to want the love without the risk, but that was an illusion. There isn't such a thing."

-Donald Miller

That's a good quote.

Move it Along

Characters in a story need an "incendiary action" that will move the plot along.

Something, that once done, cannot be undone.

A door that is walked through,
through which you can never return.

Acting on a whim.
Pushing yourself into risk.
Following through with an impulse.
Defying your own comfort zone.

Involving yourself before you have a chance to talk yourself out of it.

Who Are We?

who is this person?

are they

loving or cruel

generous or selfish

strong or weak

truthful or a liar

courageous or cowardly

in pursuit of their desire?



i am as i do.

Iran is Not Utopia Yet

This morning I sorted through news articles on Iran's election. A week ago I was smiling in the car, listening to an NPR story about the expected victory of Mir-Hossein Mousavi, the opposition to Iran's president, Mahmoud Ahmadinejad. I was thinking, "Maybe 2009 is a new year for our little world. Maybe violence, oppression and craziness will just fade out, rather than having to be pushed down."

And with that thought I wondered about a world in which what is rational actually rises to the surface and gains the popularity of entire groups and nations of people. It seemed like a wonderful world to be a part of.

This morning's soundbytes were a range of speakers asking questions about the irregularities of the election results in Iran and voicing opinions about the protests that have turned the hopeful election fever in that country into a black smoke of civil unrest. I came across this little animation project that is reminiscent of that well-done animation "Persepolis."

IRAN: A Nation Of Bloggers from ayrakus on Vimeo.

Whatever ideas I may have had about Iran's possibilities, I was most likely wrong.