First Day of School

I'm in the computer lab at school on my first day. I've been here for hours because all of my instructors seem to have placed all the content for their classes on school web pages where I must visit and print out tons of their documents. For a book lover, this is a great tragedy.

The real story is the young Asian man two seats away from me. It's evening time here on campus and the only people left here are international students; not working but sort of sitting around with their friends, dressed up so much that they look like they're about to go out for a night of clubbing. Very international.

So the young man to my right is calling one place after another on his cell phone and asking them if the room they advertised is still available. The last person he called asked him if he was a Christian. I know this because I could overhear him explain that he does worship on Sundays, and really, he tried to explain that he was a decent and faithful sort of sincere young man, but in the end he said, "No, no---I am not a Christian." He apologized and thanked the person on the other end and then put his phone down with a sigh.

He was in my math class last semester. Very smart, very lonely-looking.

Today, school was hard. I wasn't prepared for my first class, which is a Global Civilization Honors class for which we have five books. All freshman, also. Then I had a great Economics class taught by a woman with a light-heartedness and a natural curiosity about political and social events. My last class is Social Ethics, a study of the issues involved in the public pursuit of justice in a religiously and philosophically pluralistic society. The instructor threw Jolly Ranchers at us for raising our hands and I got one, but I left the room desperate to find a bathroom in a building that appears not to have any. By the time I walked across the building twice and down two flights of stairs, I finally found a laminated red sign with the word "WOMEN" on it, taped to an old wooden door that offered entrance into a small, stale room that would have been more appropriate in an elementary school.

Not an encouraging first day. My last instructor misquoted a passage out of the New Testament as an argument for socialism and there was a sort of dripping satisfaction in the stories he told of the historical Christian errors.

But even with all this, I have a place to live and I'm not stuck sitting here at dinnertime in a germ-infested computer lab on campus looking for a place to live and being turned away. I am leaving this lab to go home and cook a delicious dinner before sitting in my beautiful furniture whose sole function is to make my life a more comfortable place.

Can you hate and love a situation at the same time?
Pity yourself all the while congratulating your good fortune?

I feel like I'm there right now.

I've Got it All Under Control

Sometimes, being healthy gives life a feeling of control and order.

But order and control do not make one healthy. Ironically, they seem to drive us batty and make us little monsters.

It's important to distinguish these things.

The Morning Grind

This morning went a little something like this:

I woke up when The Cure's Friday, I'm in Love started playing on Booker, and although I would normally shut off my alarm within the first two seconds -- this sound I liked so much that I just held the phone against my chest while staring up at the ceiling until it started its third or forth loop. It was 6:30 a.m.

I read the NYTimes headline stories; I read the early morning Twitter updates from my friends. I read a strange passage out of the bible...on my phone.

Finally I got up and got dressed, methodically choosing items out of Shelby's closet because I'm tired of my clothes. I chose a ruffle shirt that I love and a bright salmon colored sweater to go over it. I picked out a lovely pair of matching earrings, too, right from her wall of jewelry.

I sprayed on perfume, brushed my hair once and pinned it into a bun, washed my face and put on my moisturizer and grabbed my belongings to head out of the house toward sunny Mortgage Company, Tennessee.

The best thing: I stopped at Dunkin' Donuts on Caruthers and picked up half caf coffee with cream and sugar. It's a small thing--but it was so wonderful. I practically danced all the way to my car.

"To be spiritually minded is life and peace."



Romans 8:6


Do you ever read something and just think, "Yeah, of course. But what does that mean?"

Personal Habit Rant, August 24 09

Since I'm in a mood to be cranky about my personal habits, I might as well add that I stay up until my head aches and then wake up with a sort of "life hangover." Today I sat in the bathroom with my head in my hands because I was too tired to go back to my desk.

What kind of person does that?

I said no to pizza today.
And then said no to cookies tonight.

This is how one gets the train back on the tracks, I imagine. A bunch of miserable days of headaches and hitting up the office vending machine followed by the pure taste of strict will power. Then the place in between those two extremes, which at this point seems like a place right out of Dante's Inferno.

I have six days until school starts. No more winge-ing. No more self-congratulation followed by self-destruction-by-sugar. No more numb arms and legs. No more 2am headaches.

This train is going and I'm on it.

PS: I got an email from Cameron today on my phone {because Booker is connected to the interwebs!} and for some reason the novelty of reading it on my phone made me think for a second that he was back in the USA. I was confused and elated and confused and elated and then sort of mystified. Turns out, he's still off the coast of Africa. I miss the dude.

Sugarholics Anonymous?

Despite many months of keeping my sugar consumption habit under control...I am sorry to admit that I've fallen off the wagon.

I need a support group.
I need accountability.

I ate Poptarts today. Poptarts?? Out of desperation. Out of a vending machine for Pete's sake.

Did you know that a package of Poptarts has 400 calories? Also, that the first three ingredients are enriched flour, corn syrup and the other really bad corn syrup. I didn't know that until after I had eaten them.

But frankly, I was so desperate, I would've eaten them regardless.

Last night: At least 6 chocolate chip cookies?
Saturday: Brownies
Friday: Dunkin Donut

I don't even want to say anymore. It's pathetic. I'm starting to lose my ability to say no.

:\

Additional comment: A short time after writing this, the regionsal manager at my company called us all together to sing happy birthday to our VP and eat strawberry cake. I love cake. But no, no. There's a proverb in the Bible that says, "Put a knife to your own throat if you're a man given to appetite." I might start carrying a knife around with me.

It is not the mountain we conquer
but ourselves.
-Edmund Hillary

This Bliss, This Bliss- How Unremarkable, Though

Things I approve of, in no particular order:

-Blackberries {fruit & smartphones}
-Nonstick pans
-Mechanical pencils
-1.5 Liter water bottles
-Animal crackers from Trader Joes
-Dunkin' Donuts coffee
-Nude colored high heels
-Dog owners
-TIME Magazine cover stories
-Imogen Heap's new album
-Chocolate soy milk

These things are the spinning spokes in my 22s.
They're the wind blowing through my dandelions!
They're sunset kisses, even!

Or maybe that's going too far.

Comfort objects, that's what they are. Objects of joy. Unremarkable things, but so blissful.

Speaking of joyful objects, I have not set my Blackberry down since it first arrived into my loving arms. Yes, I see exactly why they call them Crackberries; a-d-d-i-c-t-i-v-e. And as you can see in the poll...the naming of my phone has been decided by you all, who know what's best for me and my new darling phone. His name is officially Booker. Booker has a clear plastic protective shell, which is important, considering I already dropped him onto a wood floor at Annie's last night after a really full dinner followed by brownies.

Play this video for Imogen's new single, First Train Home: