Monday, August 4, 2014

I'm Not Exactly Who I Appear To Be (Who Is?)

We can choose to surround ourselves with people who couldn't possibly understand where we've come from, and in doing so, we can create a barrier between ourselves from the past and ourselves in the present.

This strategy breaks down if we then feel a great loneliness because we are not somehow "fully" accepted. 


Monday Morning Coffee

There's a middle-aged Chinese man sitting on the bench outside Joe Coffee. He has the tiniest shoulders, which are neatly tucked inside his blue-grey polo shirt. His right leg is flopped over his left, and his right foot, tied too-tightly into a worn, black leather boxing shoe, flexes up and down. 

A middle-aged husky woman, turns into the shop. Her hair is piled on top of her head, with different tones of gold and brown knotted messily on both sides of a stretchy, black head band. The edges of her bulky calves glitter--a Lululemon logo, reflective silver against the black. 

An older man in an old, red running shirt checks his phone while a demitasse of espresso waits half-sipped to his left. His running shoes are electric blue, with that reflective detailing. His ankle socks are black, with orange. The back of his head is clean-cut and still wet with sweat. His upper arms are matted with soft, dark hair. He jerks up, slides Bose headphones up from his collar, over his ears. He turns, walks out the door, looks left, looks right. He waits for it. Then leaves.

After he's gone, the espresso and its plate and spoon remain for less than a minute before a young, fleshy boy in a salmon-pink tee takes them away.


Sunday, August 3, 2014

This Friend's Taken, Move Along

Heading into new friendship territory. Anyone else feel like the mid-30s are a repeat of adolescence? The ease of the early 20s are long behind me and people have settled, more or less, into distinct groupings (which we used to call cliques).

I'm new to town. Hi.

In the beginning of adulthood, every person was a new adventure. And every new adventure showed me something thrilling about the world. I grew into a thousand different versions of myself and explored the type of person I wanted to become.
15 years ago.  

At 35, in New York City, I'm finally settling down. But...with whom?

I was recently talking over the problem of finding friendships in my 30s with a potential new friend from LA. We met in Union Square at one of those artsy coffee joints that has the wood interior of 1980s skate park. She's very similar to me: good-natured, respectable and hard-working.

She is just like a Nashville friend. Like Betsega or Jen M. But I already have a Betsega. I already have Jen M. I asked her about that. About feeling like all of my 'best friend' spots are full. Let's be real, my friendship real estate is like a vacation property; the owners visit irregularly. But it hasn't bothered me that the spots aren't getting used.

Why hasn't it bothered me?
Probably because I'm so busy.
Maybe because it's less demanding of me.
Could be more convenient.

Alex Williams expressed the same thing in his popular New York Times article on the challenges of making friends in adulthood:
As people approach midlife, the days of youthful exploration, when life felt like one big blind date, are fading. Schedules compress, priorities change and people often become pickier in what they want in their friends.
No matter how many friends you make, a sense of fatalism can creep in: the period for making B.F.F.’s, the way you did in your teens or early 20s, is pretty much over. It’s time to resign yourself to situational friends: K.O.F.’s (kind of friends) — for now.
What if I have more best friends out there, waiting for me to stop hanging on the edge of the pool?

Williams added that the three things sociologists say are necessary to making friends:

  1. Proximity;
  2. Repeated, unplanned interactions; and 
  3. A setting that encourages people to let their guard down and confide in each other
New York definitely can nurture these things, if I let it. I met my best NYC friend at a diner across the street from my house, and we see each other all the time. Church is another place that would facilitate this, of course.

I guess I've got some friending to do.

Saturday, August 2, 2014

PlayWorld in "The Left Bank"

Currently reading Kate Muir's "Left Bank," a book which begins with a sardonic couple's trip to "PlayWorld," a Disneyland-esque theme park. Regarding the place, Muir writes:

"[It] is so good at being good that it manifests an evil: so uniformly efficient and courteous, so dependably clean and conscientious, so unfailingly entertaining that it's unreal, and therefore is an agent of pure wickedness."

Much could be said about pretense, masquerading as the real thing, and how after eating it, one might wake up with a mouth full of cankers and a tongue that's lost its taste.

Speaking of taste: I followed up cafe reading with a quick quinoa sorrento salad, topped with shrimp, avocado and tomatillo salsa. Saturdays are so...dependably good, that they're bad.




Friday, August 1, 2014

Urine My Bad Book Now, Whoever You Are

I'm not one to complain about big city life.

That being said, to whomever peed on the bus seat before I sat down: you're a real louse.

Sigh.


How Relationships Begin (End)



Romantic relationships are half prudence and half foolishness.

Which comes first is everything.

Thursday, July 31, 2014

Work is Play

My boss got VIP tickets for the Liverpool / Manchester match last night at Yankee Stadium.  If I lived inside my own video game, last night's hot dog and beer might symbolize admittance into the next level of American citizenship.
Our View of the Turf at Yankee Stadium
Tucker, from Boston, told me that he would revoke his friendship if I become a Yankee fan. I say: you can't choose who you love.

Editor's Update with Subsequent Conversation:

Steph: i agree with tucker. you cannot become a yankees fan ;)

Allie: too late

Steph: what???? oh come on. at least pick the mets or something.

Allie: No, they are nearly repulsive to me because they are so meaningless. That's like buying a Kia