You Can't Always Get What You Want, But You Can Always Get Back in the Game

I haven't been writing because of one very important, all-consuming project. We celebrated a few CEOs who have transformed their companies. Now that project is over, and I can sit back and strategize my next move.

Funny-- I thought I knew what my next move was.
Until a few weeks ago, it was absolute. Today...it is no longer an option.


When I realized that, I was so disappointed that I was angry. Embarrassingly, it took me two weeks to get through the "if I can't do this, I don't want to do anything" slump.

The only way I got through the slump, was by reframing this let down as an opportunity. That might seem like a comfort mechanism, but that's not what it is--and that's not why I did it.

I did it, I intentionally reframed the situation, because I know that it is a good way out of slumps. I know that people who do that are more successful and happier than people who don't. I know that people who intentionally reframe challenges tend to be more grateful and more resilient. And I want to be both of those in increasing measure as I age.

So I reframed. I said, "The best thing about not getting what I wanted was..."

Was that it forced me to want something else. It forced me to ask myself what my non-negotiables are, and to let go of brand names, titles, locations and salaries in order to find a good fit for my passions and talents.

The best thing about not getting what I wanted, is that I found out what I care about, what I'm willing to fight for, and even what I'm worth. Sometimes when you slip easily from one stage of life into the next, you don't have to ask those hard questions. Slipping into something is a whole different exercise than climbing into something, but I won't bother tracing that metaphor out right here.

So it was a good thing, not getting what I wanted.

The More Asian Friends You Have, the Less TV You Watch (And Other Statistical Curiosities)

I have a small addiction to Korean soap operas. They are so good. My favorites are "My Love From Another Star," and "When a Man Loves."

And, independently, I have a lot of Asian American friends, whom I adore.

Recently, two things have come to my attention. The first: since I've graduated from college, the number of friends of mine who are Asian or Asian-American has gone way up. The second: I watch no TV at all. Except for my bonanza runs of Korean dramas every so often, I have no time for it.

According to statistics, I do actually fall outside American TV watching tendencies. In fact, I just analyzed the relationship, using  the the General Social Survey,  I looked at two variables: number of TV hours watched per week, on average, and the number of Asian acquaintances.

What I found was that the less hours that a respondent said they watched per week, the more Asian acquaintances they also happened to have, on average.

For example, among those who listed "0 hours" of TV watched usually per week, the average number of Asian acquaintances respondents had was 2.95. Look at the table below for yourself, and you'll see that as the number of TV hours watched per week increases, the number of Asian friends a person has decreases. And vice versa.

If that seems like an inconclusive relationship, okay. Since we're having fun here, how about we look at the number of years of education respondents had on average, analyzed according to the number of Asian acquaintances they said they had...

If you look at the number of Asian "pals" a person said they had in the middle column, you will see that the more Asian friends a person has, the higher their education level, on average. So an education of "12" means that they have finished the senior year in high school. An education level of "14" means that they have finished another two years of community college or vocational training. And an education level of "16" would indicate that the respondent has finished four years of college after high school. 

Last week, I did some studies on women and harassment in the workplace, which I may post if I have time later.

Labor Day

"Leisure alone, as great as it is, will not restore your soul."

-Rev David Bisgrove

It's Labor Day today.

I've eaten Mexican food and gelato, read up on representative democracy and texted friends. I have a date in a few hours, with an Italian man. It's all very leisurely.

But I feel anxious today. This feeling surprised me because I haven't felt this way all summer. I think it's not about the actual work I'll do this semester. It's about all the missed opportunities and mistakes I made in undergrad. This feeling is about all the happily married finance workers that mill about the city on Saturdays. Really--it has very little to do with me. But I feel it, nevertheless.

Instead of thinking too much on it, I'm choosing to focus on the day ahead and all the possibilities it holds. Museums, if I'm interested. The parks. Friends. Laughter. Exaggerated sentimentality.

And rest.

The Bazaar Around the Corner

Last night, despite paralyzing jet lag, I grabbed dinner with a friend at a Moroccan restaurant on the UWS: Shalel Lounge. 

Rose petals lined an iron stairwell down into the lounge, which was really a cross between a bomb-shelter and a middle eastern bazaar. We sat side-by-side on velvet cushions, facing three, French-kissing couples. I sipped Tempranillo and grazed on tuna bric, leaning back onto my elbows from time to time, relaxed by the dimly lit laughter.

Intimate, strange, savory. 

A New York Tuesday kind of place.

Diary of a NYer : Rainy Days and Wednesdays

Things you learn on subways:

When you get on the train, if there is enough space to not sit next to someone, you cannot--I repeat--you cannot sit next to someone.

Current Issues in Contemporary Manhattan Life:
Heat rash in the crook of my right elbow.
Singapore trip in 3 days.
Uncooked cauliflower sitting on the bottom shelf of my fridge.
Rain that smells like garbage.
Handsome guy at Starbucks pouring half & half into my cup for me.
Bad hair on a good hair day.
New mascara that looks like a Bebe advert.
The end of things - the beginning of things.
Water water water.
To do listings.
A deep and insatiable desire to explore the internet.
Google +

Weekends on the UWS

I stuffed coconut shrimp and dolmas and guacamole-coated chips into my mouth.

It's been one of those celebratory weekends, I guess. 

Hamas, Israel, 3D printing, Amazon, Happy Hour, Self-discipline, CS Lewis, Jean Paul Sartre.

Urine My Bad Book Now, Whoever You Are

I'm not one to complain about big city life.

That being said, to whomever peed on the bus seat before I sat down: you're a real louse.

Sigh.

NYC, Most Unhappy? Not in This 10' X 12'

The Big Apple is a perfect moniker for the city: 'The apple is the cause of the fall of human happiness' ...'It's the symbol of that desire for something more. Even though paradise was paradise, they were still restless.'

-Jennifer Senior, "Some Dark Thoughts on Happiness," New York Magazine

The big news this week is that New York won the "Unhappiest City in America" title, coming in last in satisfaction measures from the National Bureau of Economic Research. To think, I had once considered working for those schmucks. They said:

One interpretation of these facts is that individuals do not aim to maximize self-reported well-being, or happiness, as measured in surveys, and they willingly endure less happiness in exchange for higher incomes or lower housing costs. 

No, but seriously... self-reported satisfaction ratings are only as good as the people reporting them. They have something to do with how we frame our questions about happiness. If we ask, are you happy with how small and dirty your apartment is versus, are you happy with how many of your goals you have been able to pursue here in New York, we'll get different responses.

I, for one, am learning and growing more here in NYC than ever before. I'm transforming into a more mature, dedicated, reasonable, loving and interesting person than I've ever been. But the cost of transformation is high...my living space is itty-bitty, my shoes are wearing out, my budget is a joke and the competition that built this city is the type of swim meet that might drown a person, even a person as bright and ambitious as me.

I'll do what the natives do, retell this new study's findings with a gleam in my eye. Can you believe it? NYC is an unhappy place!? Secretly patting myself on the back for finding a fulfilling life here.