Tuesday, September 29, 2009

Wish You Wouldn't Say Things Like That

When someone goes out of their way to let you know that they approve of something you've changed...

be honest,
don't you kind of wish they would just keep that opinion to themselves.

Like:

Wow, you lost all that weight.
You look so much better!


Really? That's a shame, because I haven't eaten since I got that stomach virus and as soon as these meds kick in...I'll be back to normal.

Wish you wouldn't have said that.

It's good that you're not blogging anymore. I think it's better.

Really? Because ever since you said that I've had writer's block. Can't even fill out a greeting card anymore without second guessing myself.

Wish you wouldn't have said that.



How deliciously limiting the approval of others can be.
They tell us:

I'm here watching you.
I notice every move you make.
You're okay with me now that you've changed.
If you change back, you'll be doing it against my approval.


Next time you want to be the approval/disapproval button in someone's life: just keep it to yourself. They probably don't need another voice in their head.



{There are caveats to this, but my blog, unlike FOX News, doesn't pretend to be either fair or balanced, thankyouverymuch}

3 comments:

  1. I hear ya. I recently had someone tell me that I am the least judgemental person they know (meaning it as a compliment), and I cringed. I 'approve' or 'disapprove' of people/things in my head all the time. I hate when my grandmother says things to me about my weight, etc., and I SO do not want to do the same to anyone else to invoke that awful shame that comes along with it. Thanks for the reminder, friend. :) BTW, I'm glad you're blogging, and missed you while you were away, but do not think it's better/not better either way- for you. ;) I'm definitely better off with you blogging, but that's a completely selfish issue.

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  2. I don't think I've ever loved a stranger more than I love you, Allie. You are the seer into my psyche and say what I think all too often, it's scary. I relate completely to how we are limited by the approval of others.

    Your blog's comparison to FOX news was also a nice bonus! :)

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  3. ugh, and ugh.

    i hope you blog forever and ever, but that's just me being greedy.

    i got lots of love for you, no matter what.

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