Diary of a NYer : Rainy Days and Wednesdays

Things you learn on subways:

When you get on the train, if there is enough space to not sit next to someone, you cannot--I repeat--you cannot sit next to someone.

Current Issues in Contemporary Manhattan Life:
Heat rash in the crook of my right elbow.
Singapore trip in 3 days.
Uncooked cauliflower sitting on the bottom shelf of my fridge.
Rain that smells like garbage.
Handsome guy at Starbucks pouring half & half into my cup for me.
Bad hair on a good hair day.
New mascara that looks like a Bebe advert.
The end of things - the beginning of things.
Water water water.
To do listings.
A deep and insatiable desire to explore the internet.
Google +

Last Thoughts on the Permanence of the Temporary

 Francois Mauriac said:

No love, no friendship can cross the path of our destiny without leaving some mark on it forever...

Remembering Existentialism, With Some Regret, Ministered By An Observant Me

Step outside
Gonna step outside,
I'm gonna step out
Heart's on fire, leaving all behind you
Dark as night, let the lightning guide you

-Jose Gonzales, Step Outside

I turned Jose on, reclining back on too many beige and white pillows.  "I have never ventured beyond..."the words in the novel said. What have I never ventured beyond? Harlem, for sure. Beige, at least in this room.  

Laying back, staring at both myself and the wall opposite me, my coral colored shirt begins to float away from me, and swirls into the walls and carpet. Finally, I see that this room is missing the color coral, and decide to cover the windows and the closet with coral cotton and paint. 

I can't ever forget the Tibetan village I stayed in at Xiahe; Oh!, the striped bedspreads and tablecloths--- so garishly red, green and then heaven-white in surprising places. .

I lay my phone on my chest with the speaker pointed at my chin.

Dark as night, let the lightning guide you...

I lay the weighty pages of my latest summer reading down on my forehead, and the gushing notes of the music fill the little triangular space between the speakers, the book and my self, until I squeeze my face up into a ball of emotion. 

Then I relax, as I see the girl who has let the emotion swell into her and knock her off course. By seeing her, I have anchored her. 

Then, finally, I resent that I ever became an existentialist. And wish that I had skipped from youthful naturalism straight to Christianity. How much less would I watch myself, I wonder?

Weekends on the UWS

I stuffed coconut shrimp and dolmas and guacamole-coated chips into my mouth.

It's been one of those celebratory weekends, I guess. 

Hamas, Israel, 3D printing, Amazon, Happy Hour, Self-discipline, CS Lewis, Jean Paul Sartre.

Guess Who

Another contradiction:

We put parts of our full selfs into closets, along with our ill-fitting, trendy dresses and decades-old business pants. There is something embarrassing and too loose about our accents, the way we eat when no one's in the room, the way we overreact when our siblings tease us...

It's not the self we're offering to the others we want to bring close.

But when relationships get tense and there is too little freedom in our shared mental space, how easy it is to put on our old strange self, that one we hid from sight all this time.

Oneness in "The Left Bank"

It's true, you know, neither of us can be explained without the other.

--Kate Muir

You Can't Always Get What You Want (A Process Primer)

Most of the people in the middle class want the same things, value the same things.

And yet we talk as if the key to finding meaningful relationships and good business partners is aligning with people who want the same things.

Real crises in partnerships don't come from what you want, but from how you go about getting what you want.

What you sacrifice.

Or who.

When you wake up.

When you sleep.

How you treat your body.

How you treat your soul.

How you deal when you can't get what you want...and when you can.