However our conversation steered into it, he was saying how lucky I must be to be at the beginning of such an exciting adventure and to have so much going for me. He started talking about how lucky I was to be such a woman because any man would see me as the
He stopped me and said that he was surprised to hear me compare myself to any other woman because I have what no other women have: An unusually bright mind, a sincere love for the Lord, the ability to hold discussions on any number of topics and real beauty. I was astonished by the compliments because this is not one of my great admirers, honestly. He and I have had a number of rough arguments over the last five years. But then again, that's why I trust him. He never tells me what I want to hear.
He was funny because he was saying funny things like: "If she's the right woman for a man, she doesn't have to do a thing--not even brush her hair. The man just knows."
We talked about what happens when a woman rejects a man and he changes to win her over. Sometimes it works for a little while but eventually the woman sees who he is underneath all the fraud and rejects him again. The pastor said that the worst thing a man can do is reject himself, because then everybody else will reject him eventually, too.
I think he was surprised to end up saying everything that he said. But it's funny how conversations happen like that and how important they end up being. Today I remembered again that I have a calling that I've always felt was distinct and important. That there's something that matters deep within me--and it regards not only the job I intend to work at, but also the type of relationship I would want to be a part of. So many years ago that it's hard to remember, my friend Cortni and I took a communications class in Bible college and I felt certain that one day I would teach classes like that in a church setting with my husband. Strange as it seems now, it was one of the most destiny-like sensations I've ever known.
In a lot of ways, because of some things that happened in 2006, I wanted to forget any ideas of calling or destiny. I wanted to be able to just be human and to enjoy being young and female and stupid. Of course, when I say it like that it doesn't have the same attraction as it did then. Then it seemed so authentic to want to be animal rather than angel.
Today I was reminded that living like an animal isn't that authentic after all. There's a higher calling for each of us, something that requires development and patience. And faith to believe in yourself when the animals around you don't. ;)