Wednesday, August 12, 2009

I Survived: Just Another Week in Middle America

I've had a long and eventful couple of weeks with a lot of exciting adventures, a lot of new experiences and a lot of deep thinking about my future:

I stopped eating pizza at least once a day.
I started drinking a gallon of water every day.
I flew a small plane for a short while.
I made pudding using soy milk.
I found a lunch workout buddy.
I rented a math textbook.
I saved and saved and saved $$$.
I pushed myself into the oncoming traffic of dating.

I survived

Maybe survival is the best I can hope for considering the variety in that spectrum. Maybe it's too much to hope for that I would be thriving in the midst of such changes. The sad fact is that not all changes are good changes---or at least not all changes make your life a fun-ner place to live. Some things hurt, burn, sting. Some risks you win...but some you lose. And when you take a lot of risks in a row you begin to desensitize yourself to how much you're hurting, burning, stinging.

Today I sat at my desk and cried. I cried because I'm changing. I cried because I didn't get something I wanted very much. I cried because I have no Dad. In the end, my tears were not the flag of despair's victory as much as an error message from an overworked program. I simply cried before I had a moment to stop and consider whether I wanted to cry or not. If there was a victory, it was of fatigue and ennui.

Once the sad forest mist cleared away from my mood, I opened up my little travel bible and read a few Psalms, including Psalm 42. This particular passage stood out to me; sort of gave me a lift.

Why are you cast down, O my soul?
And why are you disquieted within me?
Hope in God
for I shall yet praise Him
for the help of His countenance.

So there it is, Hope in God.




I shall yet praise Him.

2 comments:

  1. I think that we're all either surviving or giving up- all the time. We just sometimes are too numb to see it that way. Here's to surviving and feeling it! :)

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  2. You are so beautiful, Allie, and I am happy that you have found comfort in that Psalm. I love that we have a book and a God that allows for grieving, and also for hope.

    All my love,
    Jess

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